...and then there was Ace.

I obviously haven't been taking my friends' advice seriously;its been like forever since my Iast and only post.
I also promised would write something when i wasn't depressed but right now thats as bad as waiting for Hillary Clinton to stop her campaign.
So...i'm sorry;thats as far as i go with apologies.
It is a heartfelt one anyways so...
Before i continue,one of my mates insisted i post a disclaimer.

...thats because he knows your going to pull off one of your infamous escapades and he'll end up having to bail you out again;plus you always forget to pay him back,you stingy piece of...

So until he is done drafting the bloody thing i'll do my best to be a good boy.
Shouldn't take too long though.Although i can't say much at least i can talk about my fall from grace...

...fall from grace?are you kidding me?Its more like a fall from sanity.How else did i get here?

It started out like any other day until i heard the words...
"Your fired".
I never saw it coming considering the bloody horoscopes said everthing would be cool and advised watching my love life.

And you don't even have a girl friend anymore;go figure...

My boss said i was getting fired for my general late coming,lack of team spirit and insubordination.But that was all total BS and i'm not about to give reasons.

I'm guessing thats because your a total hermit at work;efficient,but a hermit none the less...

Everyone at the office had a good laugh while i walked out with my stuff.
They all knew the real reason i was getting the boot.
Its a well known fact that my boss is a champion in his advocacy of womens 'rights'.
Every sighting of a female walking out of his office spells doom for every guy who'd missed work once,even if it was for a good reason.
So everyone hopes and prays his number isn't up or her number isn't up for not being a 'good' girl.
So i got the hammer this time;so much for being worker of the month.
Anywho,no point crying over spilt milk.

Without a job,wondering what in the name of Will Smith's jumbo ears i was going to do and hoping i get hit by a some rich guy with an amazing insurance policy and a big heart, i found i had somehow walked to a school.
I still haven't figured out how or why my feet brought me here;thinking about it a bar,a strip club or both might have been better.
While standing there i suddenly became aware of another person.
It felt like i had suddenly been dunked head first in a tub of ice.The sudden outbreak of goose bumps,a cold sweat and wobbly legs where all the warning i needed.
Even though i couldn't see anyone i could have staked my lousy 'ex-salary' that i wasn't alone.
Eitherway,totally caught up in a whirlpool of emotions,combined with a sudden ridiculous urge for ice-cream,the most amazing thing happened to me;i created Ace.

...that would be me!

Now being a Nigerian and all i didn't stand around asking the "is anyone there?" questions like they do in the movies...

...then they get killed or their limbs get chopped off or...

...so i figured i'd head home.Problem was the feeling lingered all the way back home.
it was nice but funny and scary at the same time. It was just a tingling in the back of my head but i also felt like a metal rock band was playing in my head;i actually think it was most likely Nirvana with 'it feels like teen spirit'...

Finally!
Home sweet home.
I almost kicked down the door in a rush for some asprin.
Turned on the tv and could barely focus;i vaguely remember some report about the hazards of self medication.Try one of my head-aches on for size and tell me pain killers are bad;Yall just ignorant bastards...
So i mix my self a drink with enough pain meds to become permanently impervious to pain...

A drink;yeah right. i toook me close to three hours to wake you.A fish never remembers how much water its had anyways...

...and i passed out.
So i'm having my best dream ever and just when i'm about to get to 3rd base with Jessica Alba...
'hey wake up we need to talk mate!'
Oh bollocks! that was Jessica Alba,you...
Then i hit me.Someone just spoke to me up and i clearly remember locking up after i came in.
So much for not getting robbed this year.
So i'm thinking how far i am from the door and how quickly i can make a run for it...
'You really ARE a sissy ain't ya matey.You make a run for the door and then what,aye?'
I knew i didn't speak out loud or did i?
'Of course you didn't but i heard you anyways...'
It wasn't making any sense.
At this point every ghost and demon story i'd heard as a kid came back with stunning clearity.
Like being scared out of my wits wasn't bad enough that lousy feeling from earlier came back again;stronger.
How could he possibly know what i'm thinking?
I thought i had finally lost it.The emotional stress had finally broken me;so much for following Dr Phils advice about stress levels and all...
'Aye!!! matey!'
I looked in the directon of the voice and there he was.
Looking back,knowing i was scared shitless and he knew exactly how i felt,feels quite embarassing right now.
What does he want,i thought and whats with the Irish pirate impression?
'i thought it would calm you down a little mate...Anyways all i want is everything you want'.
Who the hell is he and what does he mean by everything i want? How the hell can he tell what i'm thinking?
'its simple and obvious mate....i'm you'.
Oh crap!!! i HAVE lost it!